Because we spill not only milk
Knocking it over with an elbow
When we reach to wipe a small face
But also spill seed on soil we thought was fertile but isn’t,
And also spill whole lives, and only later see in fading light
How much is gone and we hadn’t intended it
Because we tear not only cloth
Thinking to find a true edge and instead making only a hole
But also tear friendships when we grow
And whole mountainsides because we are so many
And we want to live right where black oaks lived,
Once very quietly and still
Because we forget not only what we are doing in the kitchen
And have to go back to the room we were in before,
Remember why it was we left
But also forget entire lexicons of joy
And how we lost ourselves for hours
Yet all that time were clearly found and held
And also forget the hungry not at our table
Because we weep not only at jade plants caught in freeze
And precious papers left in rain
But also at legs that no longer walk
Or never did, although from the outside they look like most others
And also weep at words said once as though
They might be rearranged but which
Once loose, refuse to return and we are helpless
Because we are imperfect and love so
Deeply we will never have enough days,
We need the gift of starting over, beginning
Again: just this constant good, this
Saving hope.
~ Nancy Shaffer ~
Wow I love this poem.
It speaks volumes. To me anyway.
Because we are imperfect and love so
Deeply we will never have enough days,
We need the gift of starting over, beginning
Again: just this constant good, this
Saving hope.
If You Could See Me Now
The One Who Said That She’d Rather Roam
The One Who Said She’d Rather Be Alone
If You Could Only See Me Now
If I Could Hold You Now
Just For A Moment, If I Could Really Make You Mine
Just For A While, Turn Back The Hands Of Time
If I Could Only Hold You Now
I’ve Been Too Long In The Wind
Too Long In The Rain
Taking Any Comfort That I Can
Looking Back And Longing For
The Freedom Of My Chains
And Lying In Your Loving Arms Again
If You Could Hear Me Now
Singing Somewhere Through The Lonely Nights
Dreaming Of The Arms That Held Me Tight
If You Could Only Hear Me Now
I’ve Been Too Long In The Wind
Too Long In The Rain
Taking Any Comfort That I Can
Looking Back And Longing For
The Freedom Of My Chains
And Lying In Your Loving Arms Again
I’ve Been Too Long In The Wind
Too Long In The Rain
Taking Any Comfort That I Can
Looking Back And Longing For
The Freedom Of My Chains
And Lying In Your Loving Arms Again
I Can Almost Feel Your Loving Arms Again
My friend, Ms. Life Saver Friend, was singing this song yesterday (as we do a lot of days to make it through the work day – sing songs). It has always been one of my favorites but I didn’t know the Dixie Chicks had recorded it…beautiful!
Anyway, there’s a line in the song “looking back and longing for the freedom of my chains”…that always grabs hold of me for some reason every time I hear it. It reminds me of all the many regrets I have. Some of which are:
I regret that I didn’t crawl up in the hospital bed with my Mom and REFUSE to let her go – like that really would have done any good but I’ve always felt like I could have done more to keep her alive.
I regret that when I saw my Dad for the last time I didn’t scream something that would have made him understand how alone I’d be once he was gone, but all I could do was stand there and cry and tell him I loved him. And that wasn’t enough.
I regret that divorcing Mr. Ex screwed up Big Son’s life so much. Really now, just how many lives have to be ruined when something like that happens?
I regret that I’ve not been able to find a way to help Big Son. I regret that he has fallen through the cracks. I regret I let him go live with Mr. Ex when we divorced. For the past 13 years he’s had no advocate. He’s had no one in his corner. I’ve not been there.
I regret that I believed every word I was told by preachers as I was growing up in church, just because they said they were “Men of God”.
I regret not doing what I wanted to do when I was younger. I regret making sure everybody’s dreams were realized while I put mine on the back burner and now its too late.
I regret not believing what I’ve been told all too many times ~ “its never too late”.
I regret letting all this bother me for so many years.
This is when I have to use that cure all for all called Letting It Go!
This is when I sigh and get up out of this chair and wrap my arms around Little Miss ASIJ and Mr. ASIJ and thank God they are in my life.
This is when I decide NO MORE REGRETS. My past has made me who I am today…like it or not, its who I am. I can see where I went wrong, made bad choices. They can’t be undone, but I can let them go and start over. I can, at any time, call a “do over”.
At 52…quickly approaching 53…I am calling a do over.
Knowing what I know now, I can hardly imagine how wonderful the next 53 years are going to be.
Finding Balance In My Life 
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