Can A Southern Woman Be A Lightworker?

Southern Belle
Southern Belle

Oh I’m sure there are lots of southern women Lightworkers. But I’m talking about one in particular. Me.

I’m just a simple southern woman. Not a farm girl. Not even a country girl (though I desperately want to live in the country). But I am definitely southern. Born and bred. The south flows through my veins. I love the south. And I love being a southern woman.

For the past two or three years, Mr. ASIJ and I have, through MySpace, hooked up with several amazing “Lightworkers”. This has been a very big eye opening experience for me and I have learned so much from so many and I am truly thankful to them.

But I still have my little issues I’m dealing with.

Maybe its just the Lightworker “venacular”. I don’t get it. Take for instance: “Go within”.

I ask Mr. ASIJ for a solution to a problem I might be having.
He says “go within”.
“Okay”, I say. “Go within where?”
“Go within yourself.” (big eye roll from Mr. ASIJ).
“Okay”, I say “How?”
“Meditate” he says.
“But when I meditate I fall asleep!”
(Another eye roll)

Which reminds me of a postcard I got from my Dad one time. On the front was this really fat orangutang. On the back was written:
“When I works, I works hard.
When I plays, I plays hard.
And when I thinks, I falls asleep!”

He knew me so well.

Anyway, there are lots of phrases and words used by Lightworkers that just totally scramble my brain. “Let it go”…now thats a biggie for me.

I have this issue, probably goes back to my childhood. I know (and everyone tells me) I need to LET IT GO. Sure, I’d be happy to – but how. Surely someone in this big wide cyberspace has come up with some steps for me. A book…”Letting Go For Dummies”. But I can’t even google a good step by step manual on how to “let it go”. So I’m working on making up my own steps. I’ll share them when they’re done. Got to give it a little time though to see if they actually work!

In the meantime, if you know of such a list – please, pretty please, send it to me!

Chakras, dimensions, ascension…oh boy.

Right now I’m trying to learn, really learn and understand, about chakras. Mr. ASIJ pointed out to me a pretty box on the bookshelf that had been there for heaven knows how long, and said “There’s a course we have on chakras”. Okie dokie. Where’d that come from???

So, I dive in. I read about 10 pages or so and have reread them 5 or 6 times. I’m getting nowhere. They didn’t teach me about chakras in school. I can’t even imagine that little round twirly thing! I close my eyes. Nope, still not gettin’ it. Who came up with this “chakra” stuff anyway?

And auras??? I don’t see ’em. When I “unfocus” my eyes, all I see is what looks like smoke. Good grief. To “unfocus” all I have to do is take off my glasses. Nope…still no auras.

Different dimensions…geez I’m still trying to figure out this one!

And ascension…don’t even get me started. I guess I’m just not “there” yet.

Talking to dead people…oh yeah right.

I think if the Lightworker community would talk “southern” or even say these things with a southern drawl I might understand a little better. Right now though…I’m feeling like a fish out of water.

However, I’m loving every minute of it. At first, I was feeling really “out of my comfort zone.” But loving it nonetheless.

Lightworkers are great.

And I’m gettin’ there. Just a little slower than my brothers and sisters.

Be patient with me all you already ascended Lightworkers. I may have been put in your life as a lesson on…well a lesson on whatever it is you need to learn!

Growing Pains

When I was a child, I was plagued horribly with what my Mom called “growing pains”. My skinny little legs would feel like they were being ripped apart. It REALLY hurt. Momma would have to massage my legs almost every night with something called Watkins Liniment. I don’t know if it was the liniment or Momma’s gentle hands, but soon I would be able to drift off to sleep, only to wake up in the middle of the night and have to do it all over again.

When Little Miss ASIJ’s tiny legs started aching about the time she was 3, I instantly knew what was going on. Mr. ASIJ wrapped her little legs in warm wet towels to ease the pain. And I would massage them until my fingers ached. It gave me a new appreciation for what my Mom did almost nightly.

My legs don’t have growing pains anymore. But I still experience very painful growing pains of a different sort. I believe all of us do. Some handle these pains better than others. Some cry. Some yell. Some become more silent. Sometimes the pain seems unbearable. But it must be necessary for us to go through growing pains in order to GROW. Sometimes expansion and growth seems to rip apart things in our lives that need to leave. But growth always brings about a new beauty. A calmer Spirit.

As I’ve gotten older, I understand these growing pains a lot better. I can almost welcome them because I know when its all over, I’ll be a better person. I will have maybe found a piece of the puzzle that I thought was missing. I may be able to look at another person and understand things I didn’t understand before. I may be able to love when before I just didn’t know how to.

Maybe growing pains are what a lot of people on Planet Earth are going through. We have to experience THIS to get THAT. We have to get to HERE before we can go over THERE. There’s lots of joy along the way, but spurts of growth can still be painful. Days may turn into weeks, and weeks into months, and months into years. We may not know how we got to where we are, probably because we pushed the growing pains down inside or medicated them, thinking that was the way to cope. I know I did for years. And then when I finally gave myself permission to grow, I found myself wishing I had not tried to mask the pain when I was younger. I would have grown so much faster.

But ultimately, something happens. We go through a crisis. We meet someone sent our way by God or the angels or the Universe. We finally almost get to where we’re going. And we realize the “medication” for our growing pains all along was as close to us as our hearts, as close as the air that we breathe. If we had only massaged our hearts with LOVE…growing would have been so much faster and smoother and a LOT less painful.

Opening our hearts and realizing that its ok to be loved, and its ok to let someone else see us cry out in pain, is a very good beginning. We can’t get it wrong. If someone else doesn’t understand, then they have growing pains of their own to go through. And luckily, we are there to hold hands and walk with them through the pain.

Holding Hands
Holding Hands

Out of Order

Sometimes when I’m feeling weird, out of sorts, or just don’t know how to explain how I’m feeling, I tell myself (and anyone that cares to listen) that I’m just “out of order” for a bit. I’ll be fixed soon enough, just bear with me. Suck it up…do a little dance…roll your eyeballs…do whatever it is you think you need to do, just know I’ll be back to normal soon (or some semblance of normal anyway). And that’s MY normal, so I may not even appear fixed to some!

I’m feeling that way today. And have been feeling this way for a few days now. Inside, I think I know why but I’m sure nobody cares to listen…its not earth shattering stuff, just my “issues” with life.

I’ve learned from the past that when I’m feeling like this, if I just shut up and listen, someone or something will come along and say or do something that I needed to hear or see. Or it will hit me upside the head – which is usually the case as I’m super hard headed and won’t listen to me or anybody else. I may appear to be listening to you and heeding your advice, but I’m really not. I’m merely nodding my head and smiling so you’ll go away and stop telling me what you think I need to do. Every once in a while though, someone gets through this thick head of mine and I see fireworks and stars. It’s rare…but it does happen.

Oh I’m appearing not very friendly today, aren’t I?

Is there a full moon tonight?

And so…

I woke up yesterday with a new resolve to take matters into my own hands and gain back some control. I started wimping out about 3:00pm. By time to go home from work, I was completely void of any resolve that previously had me pumped. I was like a flat time. With no fix-a-flat to be found. And I’m like that everyday lately by the time to go home.

I make lists during the day of “things to do when I get home”. After I get home I don’t even look at the list. It’s just too painful. Most mornings I see in my mind exactly what it is I will do before I go to bed. It never gets done.

I am tired of this mediocre existence.

Don’t get me wrong…I DO believe all of life is magical and there are way too many miracles going on around me to even see them all in one day. But I have become bland. I go through this every once in a while and have to “reboot”.

Today…I am rebooting. So tomorrow should be a lot brighter 🙂 and the “out of order” sign stuck to my forehead should be coming off soon.

Stay tuned.

Baby Brother & THE ONE

I guess the post from the other day about the big purple box of Kotex that Rhoda Belle gave us just opened up the floodgates of feminine hygiene product memories. Most of them I’ll gracefully allow to pass on by. But there’s one you just have to hear. The main star was Baby Brother. By the way, his birthday is this coming Monday. Baby Brother will be 41 years old. No way could my sweet little red headed baby brother be 41 years old. But it is happening, whether I believe it or not.

Now the story…

It was a gorgeous summer day. I was 15 and my baby brother was barely 4. Cutest little spoiled rotten red headed toddler running around getting into mischief that you’ve ever seen. He still talked with those sweet little baby talk words that melt your heart. He couldn’t say my name and it came out sounding like “Thetha”. Too cute.

Back to the gorgeous summer day. I was entertaining, in my living room, a boy I had decided was THE ONE. He was the typical blonde hair blue eyed heart throb that I JUST HAD TO HAVE. I flirted, I giggled, I blushed, I swooned, just like I was supposed to. Life was good and I was in control.

Until HE walked in. Baby Brother. Standing about 3 ft. tall, his hands behind his back and an angelic smile on his face, he suddenly threw out his hands right in front of mine and THE ONE’S face and said “Look Thetha…fendernails”. I gasped and almost fainted. Attached to every one of his chubby little baby brother fingers was a pink plastic tampon applicator.

I was mortified.

I screamed.

My Mom ran in the room, saw what was going on, and gently led Baby Brother out of the room, leaving me with my now ruined life. I couldn’t catch my breath.

THE ONE, on the other hand, was laughing so hard I though he’d wet his pants! For some reason, that made me so mad! Here I was, traumatized and scarred for the rest of my life, and all THE ONE could do was laugh!! Good grief.

I quickly got up and went in the bathroom where my Mom had led Baby Brother and just when I thought things could NEVER get worse…there she was gently taking the pink plastic tampon applicators off each little chubby Baby Brother “fender”, putting them in a sink full of soapy water, washing them real good…AND GIVING THEM BACK TO HIM!!!!

Life changed for me that day.

Momma took one look at me and said “Don’t make a big deal of it and he’ll lay ‘em down after while and forget about ‘em. But if you make a big deal of it, he’ll be hoarding pink plastic tampon applicators in his room for the rest of his life.” She really was a wise woman.

But to this day I can’t see a tampon without thinking about my baby brother…and that just shouldn’t happen.

What Rhoda Belle Taught Me

Rhoda Belle was “one” of my granddaddy’s wives. I say “one” of them because he had a BUNCH. I counted eleven, one of my uncles said it was only eight, but I was counting girlfriends I guess that he didn’t actually marry. Granddaddy’s first wife died when my Mom was 14. She was only 32. Way too young to have to leave us. Momma said that just knocked the wind out of Granddaddy’s sails and he never found anyone that could ever take her place. Anyway, Rhoda Belle was the one he was with the longest after I was born so I considered her my grandma. She was a very petite lady who loved everyone and everyone loved her. She was a real sweetheart.

She never, I don’t remember even once, called me and my two brothers by our names the entire time she was married to my granddaddy. It was always That Girl, That Boy, and That Baby. But she was so good to us and we LOVED to visit.

Now this was a little lady that probably didn’t have a whole lot of education, but one of the lessons I learned from her goes much farther than any book could ever reach. When we would get up to leave their house, without fail, she would always say, “Hold on, don’t go yet. I’ve got something for you.” Sometimes it was something she had canned or pickled, sometimes it was a piece of material for my Mom to make something out of, sometimes it was a cake or pie. It might have been just a loaf of bread, but she just had to give us something. I don’t even think she had thought about it much before we started to leave, she just picked up the first thing she came to. It was always something good though 🙂

There was one instance that stands out in my mind. Seems like it was just yesterday. Us kids were really young and I can see us all standing at the door getting ready to leave. Granddaddy making us all laugh doing a dance called “Pattin’ The Rabbit” (Granddaddy is a whole other blog for another day when I’ve got butt loads of time cause he was a real character, that Granddaddy of mine). Anyway, we started out the door and Rhoda Belle hollers out, “Hold on, don’t go yet. I’ve got something for you.” This time she went running in the bathroom, stayed for a while and came out with several wash cloths and a really big purple box of Kotex and handed them to Momma. She said “I didn’t know ya’ll were coming today, so I didn’t have anything to give you but you can’t leave without something.” Momma hugged her and said “Thanks Belle” and we left and I guess that big old purple box of Kotex sit in the cabinet under our bathroom sink for months. So I saw it every time I opened the cabinet door. I think I was too young to even know exactly what they were for – but the box sure was pretty.

Later after us kids grew up, we enjoyed remembering how Rhoda Belle always had to give us something when we left. But you know what I learned? Never let anyone leave your presence without you giving them something to take with them. Doesn’t have to be a material object. You can give them a smile, a hug, an understanding nod of the head, or loving words. Always make sure that when they leave you, they’re better off than when they got there.

Now if we all did that, with all the coming and going people do these days, I figure things would sure be a lot different. And everybody would be happy and at the very least they’d be smiling.

Thanks Rhoda Belle. I sure do miss you.

Your Enchanted Life

Enchanted
Enchanted

Every life is enchanted…at least that’s how I see it. There are enchanted things about you and enchanted things you’ll do that no one else will ever do. If you don’t do these great things, then the world misses out. Nobody else can come along and be exactly the enchanted YOU that YOU are. Sometimes you can’t see this enchantment. But others can. I can see it, so I’m making it my duty in life to help you see just exactly how enchanted your life really is.

Start with this:

1. Live in the moment.

Be here NOW. Pay attention to whats going on around you. Ok…I’m a big one to talk here I know. I’m usually oblivious to what is going on around me and have never had an eye for detail. But I’m learning. And as I start to notice the small stuff…suddenly everything becomes brighter, bigger, almost magical. Well, not almost, it IS magical. Everything is a magical miracle, IF I open my eyes wide enough to see.

2. Slow down and laugh.

Sometimes me and Little Miss ASIJ talk and move in slow motion. Then laugh so hard that we can’t catch our breath. She always says “Let’s do it again!” And so we start all over. Sometimes she drawls her words out and talks so slow that I can’t understand what she is saying…and we laugh some more. We do this on purpose, but there are so many laughable moments that pass us by because we’re in too much of a hurry. Laugh. Just slow down and laugh!

3. Make up your mind to be happy.

Just say it. I am happy. You may have to say it more than once but keep on until you start feeling it. Then you’ll start BEING IT. But you have to keep at it. Don’t give up. Just decide to BE HAPPY. And decide to find enchantment everywhere by changing the way you look at things. Wayne Dyer says “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

4. Focus on what makes you happy.

Talk to your cat. Run with your dog. Play with a child – in the sand – on the beach – in a tent made by a sheet supported by two kitchen chairs with a flashlight making scary faces in the dark. Laugh…be happy…and you’ll soon begin to notice all the enchanting things around you. It’s a lot easier to grumble and complain but not nearly as much fun. There are SO many fun things to do. Start with just one fun thing, then two, then you just can’t stop. Fun is infectious, so people will soon be having fun all around you.

5. Fireflies…you must catch fireflies.

They will light up your life. Let them go in a little bit so they won’t be hurt. But for a moment in time – light up your life with fireflies. This is best done with a child because you as an adult have probably forgotten the miracle of fireflies and how to catch them correctly. Children just KNOW…so grab the nearest little person and commence to catching fireflies!

6. Sing and dance.

Something about singing and dancing evokes enchantment. Sing and dance whether you think you can or not. Because you can! Watch children. They sing and dance with wild abandonment and don’t care if you’re watching or not. They just do it. The air becomes charged with electric vibration. Fairies start fluttering their wings in rhythm to the music. And all of life becomes an enchanted forest just waiting for us to become lost in it.

7. Give it away.

Give enchantment away every chance you get. The more you give, the more comes rolling back all around you. Here are some suggestions on how to give enchantment away. Give enormous amounts of kisses, hugs, smiles, arm squeezes, snuggles and winks. Do these things with a friend or two or three: sprinkle fairy dust, blow bubbles, make dandelion rings, make wishes, make mud pies, make lemonade and cupcakes, walk arm in arm, watch clouds, roll in the grass, go barefoot, wear big hats, LAUGH, gargle…well ok, gargling may not appear to be enchanting, but it sure makes me laugh, which is a way to give away instant enchantment!

There’s so much more. If you’ll just use your imagination, there’s no telling how many ways you can come up with that prove to us how enchanting our lives are. All I have to do is watch Little Miss ASIJ for a while and I discover enchantment all around. And just as I’m convinced that every life is enchanted, I’m also convinced that we grow up and forget what enchantment looks like. But you, my friend, are SUPER enchanted. If you will only BELIEVE.

This One’s For You

“I read your blog today”, he says. “I read all of it but couldn’t find where you’d written anything about me in there. Not once did you mention how we met when I worked in another state. Or how I transferred to this office and we’ve become such good buddies”.

I knew he was kidding. But why haven’t I written about someone who has become so important to me? I haven’t been able to find enough words that fit…that’s why.

Even now, I wonder if I can do justice to our unlikely relationship. Looking at us, you’d think we have nothing in common. And honestly, even I don’t know what it is that makes us click. He’s black, I’m white. He’s young, I’m…ummm…a little bit older. So we’re not the same race. We’re not the same age. We’re not the same gender. We’re not family but I can’t think of anyone outside of Mr. ASIJ and Little Miss ASIJ that I want spend time with. In fact, I would love for him to meet Mr. ASIJ, I think they’d get along great 🙂

And honestly, none of our differences amount to a hill of beans but if I could change anything, I’d change our age.

I feel I can trust him completely. He doesn’t judge me when I tell him stupid stuff. He touches something in me that most people never even get close to. How does he do that?

He asks nothing of me. Unlike even the people who don’t know they’re always asking for something from me – he never does. Well…except food…he always wants food. When he first started working with me, I asked someone from his former office how I could make him happy. She said, “give him food”. And so I’ve tried. Experimenting with what he likes and doesn’t like. He’s very picky. Not me, I’ll eat anything.

I am completely at ease with him. I don’t have to weigh out each word before it comes out of my mouth. And I read something the other day that fits – he makes me laugh when I don’t even feel like smiling. He never puts me down but lifts me up and makes me feel good about ME.

Neither of us are morning people, so we wait for awhile before talking after we get to the office. Sometimes we can’t help but see each other so we say hi and that’s about it. Later on, after coffee, we talk. And laugh. And talk about what we did last night. Or didn’t do. Or wanted to do but couldn’t.

I like to be with people who make me happy.

He makes me happy. That’s what I’ll call him. Mr. He Makes Me Happy 🙂

And he’s never called me old.

He’s definitely a keeper.

Just Say Thank You

A lady came in my office this morning, and looking around she said, “Wow, you’re a wonderful decorator. It’s beautiful in here!” I immediately started explaining “oh I’m not the one who did this, I’ve never been much of a decorator”. One of my co-workers just happened to be standing nearby. He interrupted me and said “Just say thank you”.

Wow, it had never occurred to me to just say thank you. Of course, you shouldn’t take credit for something you didn’t do…good or bad. But I rarely can accept a compliment so easily and just say thank you.

It’s always something like:
“Oh, this old thing, well its comfortable.”
“These shoes – I’ve had them f.o.r.e.v.e.r.”
“This ring? Someone gave it to me, I would have never been able to pick out something so beautiful.”
“Sure I can sing…I sing like a bird – an old crow that is!”
“Yes I HAVE lost some weight BUT I have like a million more pounds to go.”

And all the while, I should have smiled and just said thank you.

Thank You

A new challenge for me: When someone pays me a compliment, do not explain the details, or put myself down, or go on and on out of embarrassment, but simply smile an award winning smile and say “Thank You”.

I can do that 🙂

Leaving us

It has been a weird past few days for me. My best friend’s mother passed away while she was trying to get to her. It was so important for my friend to be able to see her mother and say good-bye before her mother left us. But she didn’t make it. She was still on the plane trying to get there.

My heart is breaking for my friend and her bother and sister. Their father passed away a few years ago. From experience I know what they are feeling. No Mother…No Father. And no matter what anyone says or does ~
YOUR…HEART…JUST…BREAKS…IN…PIECES. Yes, time will make some of the pain go away. But it never completely leaves us.

I was 6 and my friend was 9 when we met. So there’s a lot of history there between us. She stuck by me when no one else did. She’s one of the ones I trust. Through hell or high water…she’s always been there.

I hadn’t seen her mother is a few years. She had alzheimers, so honestly, she left a while back. But death sure makes it final. Death on this earth that is. I don’t believe we ever really die. Our souls live on forever. But in our humanness, we just can’t let go of the finality of death in this lifetime. At least I can’t.

I’ll be glad for life to get back to normal for my friend. I’ll be glad to see her smile again.

And we all know…life goes on.

And life is good.