Falling in Love…With Me

The other night I told Mr. ASIJ that I wasn’t living the life I wanted to live.  “And who’s fault is that?” I asked…as I pointed to myself.  I am almost fifty-two years old.  If I ever intend to actually LIVE that life, then I best get my rear in gear.

I read something yesterday on the internet involving a book a lady had written.  The title REALLY caught my eye.  Sleeping Naked After Forty by Rosie Battista. Also known as the “The Kale Queen”, she is brilliant and I can’t wait to order and read her book. (When I figure how to link to things in this blog, I’ll put a link to her book here).  This is what she says about herself now AFTER she has fallen in love with herself and started living the life she was meant to live:  “I am 48 years old.  I wear a bikini.  I don’t diet.  I just eat healthy.  I love my food.  I love my body.  I love my life.  I sleep naked.” Here’s how I would relate that:  “I am 51 years old.  I wouldn’t be caught dead in a bikini.  I have dieted off and on for 30 years.  I don’t eat healthy.  I DO love my food (a little too much maybe).  I’m mostly ashamed of my body (although it has served me well I guess).  I love parts of my life.  I only sleep naked when I’ve had too much to drink.”

There’s much work to do here.

Changing Gears

There are just some moments when the only way to take it all in is to realize  “It just don’t get any better than this”.  Like pajamas – antique anything – books – overstuffed chairs – butterflies – pastachio almond ice cream – Little Miss ASIJ’s smiles – Mr. ASIJ’s touch – you get my drift, altogether or one at a time.  Life is so good.  This has nothing to do with what I wanted to write about today – it was just on my mind this morning.  The good stuff.  Well…I guess actually it DOES have something to do with my blog today, cause that’s the direction I want to take.  The good stuff…the high road…the yellow brick road.

As far as my mission here, to get all my memories recorded before they totally fade away, well I’m thinking it just ain’t gonna happen.  I’ve come too far to listen, focus, dwell on anything that doesn’t make me feel better.  I refuse to dredge up painful memories for whatever reason anyone ever dredges up painful memories.  I mean…for days after my first post I felt weighed down, almost sickened by just the memory of my little body being beat as a child.  Then that brought up the memories of Middle Brother’s beatings and what went on after I married and left home.  Missing years where time stood still.  You know – when you lay down to take a nap and wake up and its five, ten, twenty years later?  Good grief.

Why do people do that anyway?  Dredge up painful memories?  Is it to heal?    Digging in a sore will not aid in healing it.  At least that’s what I’ve been led to believe by everyone except the ones who would profit from me digging in those sores.  It will just get infected and spread.  I’m done with that.  Over and out.  Goodnight Irene.  I am as healed as I’m ever going to be.

But the good stuff…some things are just so good…like “Feet and Feet”.  Let me explain.  Night before last Little Miss ASIJ asked “do you remember Feet and Feet?”  With a very big smile across my face the memory washed over me.  “Yes baby, I well remember Feet and Feet.”  Feet and Feet are Mr. ASIJ’s two feet, side by side, twins, they talked to Little Miss ASIJ when she was a toddler.  At times she held on to them.  They wiggled and she giggled.  And she named them “Feet and Feet”.  She told them secrets and they danced around.  Too funny.

Since Little Miss ASIJ has been born, I have met so many interesting new characters that only a child can make come alive.  I’m sure along the way I’ll introduce some them to you too.

And so…to have some kind of clarity about why I am even writing this post – it is to CHANGE GEARS.  More about that later.  LOTS more about that later.