I didn’t realize it had been so long since I’d posted anything. Almost like I disappeared off the face of the earth. But I’m still here, just going through a silent spell I guess.
I was just in the living room talking with Mr. ASIJ about some things I’d been feeling lately. For several days now…almost like my heart and soul are hurting. Broken, but really nothing to be broken about. It took me a minute or two to identify just what was going on. Its taken me a few days to speak about it to anyone.
All of a sudden I want to cry most of the time again. About nothing. About anything. About everything. About how messy my house has gotten. About those weeds, or whatever they are, growing outside of the fence in my front yard and no matter how hard I wish it – they just won’t go away. About the lawn needing mowing and it won’t stop raining long enough for the grass to dry so I can cut it. About the messy backyard. About the fact that I still believe (even after 12 years since being divorced) what Mr. Ex told me…that I’m a bad wife, a bad mother, A BAD PERSON! About the fact that I don’t have many good friends. (Of course I don’t, who wants to be friends with A BAD PERSON?) Not counting my family, there are only two people in this whole entire world who I believe love me unconditionally.
STOP RIGHT THERE! Whatever happened to slapping a smile on my face and being happy? What happened to counting my blessings? What happened to MY ENCHANTED LIFE???
My enchanted life never left. I guess I’ve checked out for a minute or two but my life is still just as enchanting as ever. My house is messy…I am thankful I HAVE a house. I have dirty dishes in my kitchen sink right now…I am thankful we have plenty of food so we can mess up dishes. My front and backyards look atrocious…I am thankful I have nature right outside my window. The rainy days…I am thankful for this rain. And Mr. Ex…I wish him well. He had no idea what he was talking about. Friends…they are everywhere and its up to me to open my arms and include them in my life. Those two friends who love me…I am SO thankful that those two people are already in my life and they won’t ever leave me.
So why is the title of this post “Air Words From Little Miss ASIJ”? I’m glad you asked. Just this morning I was laying in bed talking to Little Miss ASIJ. She and Mr. ASIJ had slept in and I had been up for awhile. Crying. And crying and crying. Thinking that awful thought…I AM A BAD PERSON. By the time Little Miss ASIJ woke up I had finally stopped crying and was trying to look pleasant 🙂 She didn’t know I’d been crying or what I’d been crying about. While we were talking, she started acting like she was writing words on my forehead. I asked “What are you doing? Feels like you’re writing words. She smiled and I asked her what was she writing. She said “The best person ever.”
Wow, I should have realized right then and there how ridiculous my thoughts had been. Little Miss ASIJ is the most enchanting person EVER and she writes on my forehead “the best person ever”, then whoa Nellie…I’M THE BEST PERSON EVER!!! If you don’t believe it, it’s written on my forehead and if I forget, all I have to do is look in the mirror. Sure I have to use my imagination to see air words, but the words are there. I felt her write them.
I am thankful for air words from Little Miss ASIJ.