Out of Order

Sometimes when I’m feeling weird, out of sorts, or just don’t know how to explain how I’m feeling, I tell myself (and anyone that cares to listen) that I’m just “out of order” for a bit. I’ll be fixed soon enough, just bear with me. Suck it up…do a little dance…roll your eyeballs…do whatever it is you think you need to do, just know I’ll be back to normal soon (or some semblance of normal anyway). And that’s MY normal, so I may not even appear fixed to some!

I’m feeling that way today. And have been feeling this way for a few days now. Inside, I think I know why but I’m sure nobody cares to listen…its not earth shattering stuff, just my “issues” with life.

I’ve learned from the past that when I’m feeling like this, if I just shut up and listen, someone or something will come along and say or do something that I needed to hear or see. Or it will hit me upside the head – which is usually the case as I’m super hard headed and won’t listen to me or anybody else. I may appear to be listening to you and heeding your advice, but I’m really not. I’m merely nodding my head and smiling so you’ll go away and stop telling me what you think I need to do. Every once in a while though, someone gets through this thick head of mine and I see fireworks and stars. It’s rare…but it does happen.

Oh I’m appearing not very friendly today, aren’t I?

Is there a full moon tonight?

And so…

I woke up yesterday with a new resolve to take matters into my own hands and gain back some control. I started wimping out about 3:00pm. By time to go home from work, I was completely void of any resolve that previously had me pumped. I was like a flat time. With no fix-a-flat to be found. And I’m like that everyday lately by the time to go home.

I make lists during the day of “things to do when I get home”. After I get home I don’t even look at the list. It’s just too painful. Most mornings I see in my mind exactly what it is I will do before I go to bed. It never gets done.

I am tired of this mediocre existence.

Don’t get me wrong…I DO believe all of life is magical and there are way too many miracles going on around me to even see them all in one day. But I have become bland. I go through this every once in a while and have to “reboot”.

Today…I am rebooting. So tomorrow should be a lot brighter 🙂 and the “out of order” sign stuck to my forehead should be coming off soon.

Stay tuned.

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One thought on “Out of Order

  1. I, and a couple of other people I know, have been feeling ‘a little off’ (that’s my version of your ‘out of order’) lately too. It seems to come out of the blue for me, with no apparent reason. I find that if I just give myself some time alone and allow myself to just be quiet, it usually passes without much incident and I’m back to ‘normal’ in a few days.

    As for the list, those things will be there when you’re ready to deal with them. I wouldn’t give it too much energy.

    *hugs*
    Carolynn

    P.S….I’m not sure how I missed your recent posts…so I’m here catching up.

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