I love the song “Say” by John Mayer. Kind of an overwhelming amount of say what you need to say’s going on there but I love the song nonetheless.
If only I had always done that…
I love the last verse:
“Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open.”
Say what you need to say…
I won’t go as far as to call myself a coward, but all these years, all these many many years, I have never (except to a very few) said what I needed to say. I have always said what others needed to hear. I have never said MY TRUTH, but always someone else’s. I have sold my soul for a few nods of approval, a few smiles, a few pats on the back, and yes, even a few “I love you’s”. Now as I near the age where I’ll finally get my senior citizens discount, I am itching, just biting at the bits to say what I need to say. Suddenly, I don’t care if you approve of me or what I have to say. I don’t care if you shake your head in disbelief at what I’m saying or what I believe. I don’t care if you pat me on the back or walk away.
Oh yes, my hands are shaking, and my faith is broken (very broken). When faced with the truth four years ago that I either had to have brain surgery or die, I was also faced with the truth that if I died I would have never said what I needed to say. Everything within me still unwritten, still unspoken. All my thoughts and ideas and words would remain unspoken because, foolishly, I had kept them to myself and had only verbalized polished, polite, politically correct thoughts, ideas and words. In essence, I had not lived MY life. I had not given MY heart. I had not shared MY soul. These truths had left me feeling very empty. So I started to change. It was kind of slow at first. But I am finally speaking my peace, saying what I need to say. Sometimes you have to hurt to heal. Sometimes you have to jump into the abyss before your wings kick in and lift you up.
So now, if you want to hear what I have to say, brace yourself. Hang on to your bootstraps cause I won’t be saying what you need to hear. You’ll have to find someone else for that. I’ll be saying MY truth, not your truth, or his truth, or their truth but MY truth. Like it or not. Take it or leave it. Call me names, I really don’t care anymore. And that one statement “I really don’t care anymore” has been like a breath of fresh air.
So say what you need to say. Say it out loud or say it to yourself. Just say it. And say it with your heart wide open.
Maybe its not only knowing the truth that will set you free, but saying it. Cause when you say it, you really feel it. Now THAT’S freedom.